I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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