Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
