Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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