I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
