Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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