apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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