You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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