My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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