Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
