A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
