There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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