turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
