Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
