Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
