she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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