Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can't turn off my feet"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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