You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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