actually, I'm a sock model
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
