party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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