this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
