Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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