Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
