I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
