Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
