Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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