shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
