I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
