just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
