She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
