The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
