official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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