My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
