So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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