I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
