O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i think i just lost a toe
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
