After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
