i just wanna soil my oats bro
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
