dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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