i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
