i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
