I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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