none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Can you bring me the toilet please
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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