Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
