Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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