Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
