You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
