How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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