Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple

Fav 8 1120 2083
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.

Fav 13 4288 1108
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(817): View more from Texas

Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day

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(303): View more from Colorado

i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.

Fav 22 4152 1223
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.

Fav 75 1756 6544
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(609): View more from New Jersey

you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single

Fav 20 1401 5140
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(970): View more from Colorado

I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.

Fav 2 2770 972
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(513): View more from Ohio

Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it

Fav 3 270 469
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(440): View more from Ohio

Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.

Fav 0 23 40
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