Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
