someone threw a dead crab at me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
