I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
