i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
